You are here: Home / BM / Black Women and White Women: Accusations Can Kill Your Relationship.
Like
Like
Love
Haha
Wow
Sad
Angry
1
(ThyBlackMan.com) No one wants to be played like a fool. We all want to be in relationships that love, nurture, inspire and challenge us to be our best person. We ladies have an image in our mind of our “Knight in Shining Armour”…not in a save us sense, but in a he loves me completely kind of way. It is a beautiful image to have, however our image is perfect…not a real man.
Many of us have been through painful challenges, and the scars of those situations have become apart of who we are. Too many of us know what it’s like to feel unloved, and unwanted from a list of people that begins with our parents. To make the matter worst some of us pour all we have into relationships that end with us being betrayed in some sense….again hurt deeply. Due to what we’ve been through life becomes a game of waiting for the shoe to drop. We no longer expect positivity in areas of our life that we can’t control. We can go to school and get degrees, own a lovely home, buy a beautiful car and climb the corporate letter with consistency…but our personal life is a question of “Who will hurt me next”.
The company we keep also has an effect on how we view love. If everyone in your circle is hurting, scarred and waiting for a man to fail…its time for a new circle. I hate to break it to you, but Mr. Right can never come if you anticipate failure from the start. I say this because nothing he ever does will be good enough if you are waiting for him to fail. He is the accused before he’s in the door good. It’s important to be honest about how our past shapes us if we are to heal, and move forward.
Ladies, men get hurt too. There are men that know what it means to be unloved, and abused. There are men that have given a woman all they have and she betrays them. Yes they carry scars just like we do. The thing is this: you don’t want to pay for what the last woman did. Well, he doesn’t want to pay for what the last man has done. If either party is not coming to the table with a clean slate and open mind…both parties are asking for trouble.
If you are getting to know a man know off top he’s not perfect…and neither are you. However, he has feelings just as you do. Accusations can kill a relationship! It is important to find out what is going on before accusing a person of bad character where you are concerned.
Too many of us accuse a man, who has given us no cause, of cheating because we were trying to reach him and he didn’t pickup. We feel super low when we find out someone in his family passed, he was not well, something legitimately happened to the phone. This is dangerous because the instinct could very well be based on the behavior of a man in a previous relationship. This is neither fair nor right, and we’d be both hurt and angry if he accused us. Well, if something happened he should have let me be there for him you say.
Ok, but he has to process this emotions just as you do. Furthermore, the biggest question is how much of this is about your insecurity? When we accuse without merit we are hurting the person we are with. Men are not made of stone, and accusations without cause tells that man you don’t trust him. He very well may walk away before further damage is inflicted…and he could have been a great guy. Just as we ought not tolerate emotional abuse…neither should he. The past has an interesting way of poisoning our present, and destroying our future.
Sisters I know there are times to be suspicious…yes follow your intuition. However, do let past pain guide your gut. Allow yourself the time needed to get over hurt, and heal from it. You deserve better than being a slave to your past, and to pain caused by such. Know that accusations can kill a relationship…with anyone. Love yourself because you are valuable and let that love nurture, and uplift you. You deserve to be seen through clear and fair eyes, and you must be strong enough to do the same. Love yourself, and each other.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
