Absolutely not, and that’s the final answer!
Nobody’s budging on it. Nobody will hear any argument. I’m done. The answer is just plain “no.”
Or is it? Isn’t there some wiggle room in nearly any controversy? A toenail’s worth of space to find a middle ground?
Read “Negotiating While Black: Be Who You Are to Get What You Want,” by Damali Peterman (G.P. Putnam’s Sons, June 2024), and you can find wiggle room between the N and the O. You want something. You’re denied, and it’s frustrating. What went wrong between your ask and the other party’s rejection?
Peterman wondered that, too, when she tried to buy a new car before the pandemic and the first dealership all but turned her away. Was it because she’s Black, a woman, both, or neither?
Peterman is the founder and CEO of Breakthrough ADR, and an expert in dispute resolution. “Negotiation is my life,” she says. There are always two sides to an argument, she insists. Finding a happy middle to a dispute or negotiation is usually possible; at the very least, there may be compromise to be found.
“Negotiating While Black” by Damali Peterman
Peterman’s book is a treasure trove of practical advice. Here are a few gems:
First of all, she states, don’t be afraid of negotiation. Any time you make a decision or figure something out with someone, you’re negotiating. Know, too, that there isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” way of give-and-take. You need to find what works best for you.
She continues: When you’re asking for something, keep in mind the Five Elements in Every Negotiation: know what you want, what you need, how to listen closely, how to communicate, and when to close the deal.
Pay close attention to the other person’s body language and properly validate what they are saying. Always “be your authentic self.” Not doing so is the reason why the deal collapses even well after it is set.
Do your research and “peek inside their bag” so you have “more material… to work with” in negotiating. Always be the first to make the offer, but don’t show your hand too quickly. Know how to over come bias. Apologize when needed. And know what to do when “high-stakes negotiations” could be a matter of safety.
If you’re the kind of person who knows what you want – you’ve thought it through and you want it now – learn how to get it by reading “Negotiating While Black.”
Because “pretty please” often does not work in real life, Peterman shows better ways of talking things over and reaching a consensus that works for both parties in nearly every situation. Her ways are gentle but firm; smart but not smug; flexible but not bend-over-backward; and kind but not pushover.
True, some of the advice here is common sense. However, it comes with new perspective, including easy-to-grasp lessons for marginalized readers who want to go beyond the frustration of being abruptly dismissed. Indeed, the book’s front cover promises to deliver “A new way to negotiate for anyone who’s ever been underestimated.”
When “please” doesn’t cut it anymore, and demanding is not the right strategy, “Negotiating While Black” will show you how to ask with a velvet fist.
