You are here: Home / BM / Black Women and White Women: Friends Aren’t Relationship Placeholders.
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(ThyBlackMaan.com) A new phase in life is wonderful, full of adventure, newness, and fun. Meeting someone that matches you in every way is a blessing indeed. It can quickly become the center of the universe. This isn’t hate at all; trust me your village gets the joy and the time it requires. No one is going to argue because you are spending time with your man instead of making it to girls night out. This is to be expected, and we’re happy for you. The sistahs in your circle remember the time, work, and effort that went into you being in this space. We are cheering for you, and want nothing more than for your relationship to be happy and prosperous. Then things didn’t work out as expected your sistahs had your back, and we made time to make sure you were okay.
Your circle is like family, they aren’t placeholders until the next relationship. This means they aren’t to be your go to because you don’t have a man, but the minute you do they no longer exist. This is something that has to be worked out because it can create resentment and bitterness. It leaves the dependable friends feeling misused and expendable. There has to be a balance to life and all relationships.
Your sistah friends will notice when they become tossed aside left to feel like friends in title only. They noticed when you no longer care about the details of their life. The conversation has become centered on you, your man, and life with said man. When then begin to inform you about what’s going on with them, they notice when you are silent, and distant. The sistahs notice when they call you in distress…maybe with that level 10 anxiety attack and you don’t show the simplest ounce of care, because your man is present. She will remember when she dropped everything to help you get through that moment while managing a spouse and a kid.
These sistahs notice your absence, and that the only thing that seems to make to show up is the lack of his presence. Heaven forbid there is a fight or worse…a breakup, because now everyone is to drop everything to help you get through the rough patch. You aren’t able to see the lack of reciprocity in this space because all you know is your heart hurts, and your village needs to show up for you.
Relationships is wonderful, and all of them require you to be present in some form. One relationship isn’t merely a placeholder for another. Its important to remember every relationship deserves a degree of reciprocity. If you don’t deposit care and dependability into a relationship you have no right to expect it to be there when you need it most. The sistahs that stand with you are there because they love you. If they are pouring love, support, positivity, and loyalty into to you regardless of the other relationships in you life they should be able to expect the same from you.
One day they will realize they have every right to enforce that expectation for the maintaining of balance in their own lives. You’d hate to lose a real village simply because you didn’t treat them well. Finding a balance will be key to avoiding this matter. When your sistahs come to you stating they need a moment…make time for the moment. The person that is new in your life would want you to have healthy relationships outside of themselves. This is something you should also want for yourself. Just as you don’t want to be misused in a relationship don’t misuse the women you call sistah by treating merely as placeholders. They deserve more than that, and so do you.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.
