If you need someone to help you write a book, just ask me.
Need someone to watch your kids, ask me that, too.
Need someone to meet with you and help you map out your career goals – for free, yep, I can help you with that as well.
That used to be the story of my life. Operative words – used to be. After years of being everything to everyone, I learned that my “yeses” were slowly killing me. So I decided to take control of my physical and emotional wellness by simply saying “no.”
In a world that often equates busyness with success and self-worth, learning to say “no” can be one of the most empowering skills we develop. For many of us, the pressure to be everything to everyone can be overwhelming, leading to burnout, stress and deteriorating mental health. As someone who has spent years striving to meet every expectation and fulfill every request, I’ve learned that “no” is not just a word — it’s a crucial tool for maintaining mental well-being.
The habit of over-committing often starts innocently enough. A colleague asks for help on a project, a friend needs a favor, or a family member wants you to take on yet another responsibility. Out of a desire to be supportive and accommodating, we agree, often without considering the impact on our own time and energy. Before we know it, our schedules are packed, our minds are frazzled, and our own needs are pushed to the back burner.
For a long time, I was a serial yes-sayer. I prided myself on being reliable, helpful, and indispensable. I believed that by saying “yes” I was fostering relationships, advancing my career and proving my worth. But in reality, I was neglecting my own well-being. The constant stress and pressure to meet everyone’s demands left me exhausted and resentful. My physical health suffered, my relationships became strained and I felt a constant sense of overwhelm. And while I may get all 25 things done on my daily To Do list, they weren’t to the best of my ability. It simply wasn’t humanly possible.
The turning point came when I realized that my mental health was deteriorating. I was constantly anxious, unable to sleep, and found it increasingly difficult to focus. It became clear that something needed to change. I had to learn the art of saying “no.”
Saying no was not easy at first. It felt uncomfortable and selfish. I worried about disappointing others and feared that I would be seen as uncooperative or unreliable. However, I quickly discovered that setting boundaries was not about being selfish; it was about self-preservation. By saying no to things that were draining me, I was able to say yes to things that truly mattered — including my own mental health.
One of the first steps in this journey was recognizing that “no” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t require justification, explanation or apology. When asked to take on additional tasks or responsibilities that I knew would overwhelm me, I practiced responding with a simple, firm and polite “no.” I learned that it was okay to protect my time and energy. And, to my surprise, the world didn’t fall apart when I did.
Embracing the power of no also meant reassessing my priorities. I took a hard look at my commitments and evaluated what was truly important to me. I began to prioritize activities and relationships that brought me joy and fulfillment, rather than those that felt obligatory. This shift in mindset allowed me to create a more balanced and meaningful life.
In addition to protecting my mental health, saying no has also improved my relationships. By setting clear boundaries, I’ve been able to communicate more honestly and openly with those around me. My friends, family and colleagues now understand and respect my limits, and I’ve found that our interactions are more genuine and supportive.
Of course, there are still times when saying no is difficult. In a culture that often glorifies hustle and constant availability, it can be challenging to push back against societal expectations. However, I’ve learned that prioritizing my mental health is non-negotiable. By valuing myself and my well-being, I’m better equipped to show up fully and authentically in all areas of my life.
Learning to say no is a powerful act of self-care. It allows us to protect our mental health, set healthy boundaries and live more authentically. For anyone struggling to balance the demands of life, I encourage you to embrace the simplicity and strength of no. It’s not just a word; it’s a complete sentence that can transform your life.
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