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There’s dumb, stupid and then there’s this lady…
According to ABC News, a Tennessee woman is likely going to spend a significant portion of the rest of her life cosplaying as a cast member on Orange Is The New Black. Not for nothing, the context under which she will likely become an inmate is quite literally the stuff of a Hollywood script. Art imitates life, as the saying goes. Melody Sasser was arrested a couple of weeks back and is being charged with hiring a hitman to murder the fianceé of a gentleman that she met on a dating app.
You read every word of that correctly.
Federal agents say that Sasser, who isn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, transferred $10,000 of bitcoin to a dark web site called, wait for it…”Online Killers Market”…in order to have the unnamed woman whacked. Sasser had become hiking buddies with the unidentified name on Match.com. When said man told Sasser that he planned on moving out of state to marry the woman of his dreams, well, Sasser couldn’t oblige.
According to the legal filings, on Jan. 11, Sasser told the anonymous killer-for-hire that, “It needs to seem random or [an]accident. Or plant drugs, do not want a long investigation.” Again, she’s a few sandwiches short of a pic-a-nic basket. Are you pickin’ up what we’re puttin’ down?
B-b-b-b-but wait, it gets worse!
Sasser used information from the fiancée’s Garmin health watch to find out exactly where she was, how long she was there, and what her general daily habits were.
“Yesterday she worked from home and went for a 2 mile walk by herself,” Sasser allegedly wrote to the murder-for-hire website in March, according to the complaint. Authorities said they later confirmed, via the hiking app, that the information Sasser provided to “Online Killers Market” was accurate.
In the fall of 2022, Sasser pulled up to the couple’s home in Alabama and shouted, “I hope you both fall off a cliff and die.” ABC News reports that Sasser was arrested May 18 “on probable cause that she allegedly attempted to hire a hitman to commit murder” and is “due to appear in federal court on Thursday.”
We’ll keep you abreast on this story because we have a feeling the details might get even crazier than they are now.
