You are here: Home / BM / Black Women and White Women: The Unique Wife.
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(ThyBlackMan.com) Marriage does not have to be an identity death sentence. Unfortunately too many women feel as though they must trade in their essence of self for marriage, and motherhood. Grant it the balance between the two may take work in the beginning its absolutely possible to excel as a wife, and mother while being uniquely you. As a matter of fact losing self, or putting up a façade in the beginning, not only takes a toll on you as a woman…but it can harm your marriage.
Who you are is unique to you, and if someone is to love you they must accept you. Just as a men should not have to sacrifice the core of who he is…neither should we. When we are bold and live who we are from day one…this is who our men actually fall in love with. Grant it life changes; marriage and motherhood does cause adjustments in who we are. With that being said the core of our unique being ought to remain intact. Sometimes the beginning to the change is not children, but trying to fit in with family.
We tend to reshape ourselves for the sake of being palatable. If he has a very dominant family, but we are laid back we try to morph for the acceptance of our new family. Likewise if he has a family whereby the elder women are more passive but we are not…we tend to scale back as to not be seen as overbearing. Ladies, these kinds of changes are not healthy. It is VERY important to stay true to who the creator made you to be. One can be graceful, classy, and tactful while STILL themselves.
When we begin selling off pieces of our unique core nature we create expectations based on a false sense of being. All husbands will not be okay with the changes we are allowing. Some will even make the statement “this is not who I married”. Grant it this is very hard to hear if he doesn’t defend you first then ask. The statement still carries weight and truth. Ladies we do not want our spouse to get used to dealing with a false us. When this happens one day YOU WILL snap, and he won’t get why. You can only keep up a façade for so long before the weight becomes unbearable. We must be confident and sure in who we are as individuals and never barter with our nature. When we respect who, and what, we are others have no choice but to follow suite.
One of the prominent keys to being a unique wife is to be yourself from the first encounter to the alter. Never try to be someone you are not to gain anyone’s attention nor affection. This makes your life so much easier in a marriage because your husband knows who you are. Honestly in how you live and function is key. Even if your in-laws are not quite sure how to engage you…they will come around to respecting the woman you are even if like never happens. This level of honest living keeps you from saying I no longer know who I am, and I have no identity outside of my husband.
You must remain true to who you are as a woman inside and out. There are things I don’t do, things I don’t eat and places I don’t go…marriage doesn’t change that. Just as there are things I love eating, and things such as reading that I absolutely adore…my husband will NEVER try to separate me from my books lol. Yes, those are lightweight examples yet they are still a part of my personal makeup. I think you get the idea…be comfortable being yourself from day one.
Lastly, children are a game changer in a sense that they require a lot of us. We love our babies, but we can lose ourselves quickly in the world of baby. In this sense we must allow our spouses and others we trust to help us so that we can maintain our person. This helps us mother because we don’t feel that we are losing our core for our children. Yes, you need a break at times, and you must not be afraid to take it. Often times many of us are overwhelmed because we feel we must do it all. That is very dangerous in the long run.
The unique wife is a special lady, and someone that lives within us all. We must have balance among the many hats we wear so that we never lose ourselves. Part of what makes us special is the core of our being that makes us unique to others. Never allow others, nor life, to make you feel you must trade in your individuality. It’s is okay to be yourself, love yourself, be a married woman and mother. When we stay true to the beauty of our unique existence we are better women, wives and mothers.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
